Joy & Willingness

Weekends exhaust me.  Looking at my schedule, it doesn't appear that they are that much, if any, busier than my week.  I do less cleaning, so there is less work.  We usually have some fun things planned.  So what is it that makes me want to stay in bed and hide while everyone else is shouting TGIF? 

I think it is the lack of schedule.  I am not really a go with the flow person, as much as I want to be. 

Not that our weeks are all that predictable- we had drop in company (in the middle of my spring cleaning mess) a sick teenager, an unexpected spree of running (errands) to solve an unexpected car issue...  not to mention that I was spring cleaning all week.  My yearly ritual of starting at one spot on one wall & cleaning, scrubbing, decluttering, organizing, & then usually cloroxing every square inch of this house- making a list of projects as I go a list so long that I wonder if we will ever make a dent in it.

Add in that we have 8 puppies in the back yard, and when my husband forgot to close a gate, a cow in my front yard...

It is not as if I have some perfect routine here all week long.

So maybe it is more than just the lack of structured schedule?  I think it might also be the sense of failure.  The week is over.

I did not exercise once not once.  (With Matt sick all week, I didn't drive him to the weight room, so I didn't walk the trails while waiting for him.  I didn't take him to PT, so I didn't run the canal while waiting for him.  I didn't use the weight machine in the garage, nor do the 30 day shred even once.  I did do sit ups and push ups before bed at least, most nights)

My in box is overflowing w/ messages that require answers, in a polite society.  We have an event next weekend that I have no details for, and that makes me jittery.  My daughter leaves for a last minute, I know almost nothing about it and do not know if she is prepared, missions seminar at a college this week. I leave for Texas in a week, & I have no idea what I am wearing, what we want to do while there (other than see Luke graduate from basic training, that is why we will be there!) What we need, etc. I did not finish the spring cleaning, I have 4 rooms + 6 cupboards uncompleted.  My to do list (todoist app, love it) has 47 uncompleted items from this week, not including the things I listed here.

So when the weekend hits with all of its chaos, and obligations, I just want to quit.  I started looking for excuses to avoid events first thing this morning.  "Matt has been sick all week, he won't be up to the adopt a hwy clean up" I checked on him, and he of course sat up in bed & said he feels much better & is ready to go... "We haven't run all week, no sense running at the lake today, we can just start fresh next week." Uhm, horrible logic.  Even a walk around the lake will be better than quitting entirely.  I'll spare you the rest of my "logic", but I had excuses to avoid every item of my day.

Then I read my morning devotion.  Which is where I should have started first this morning.  The last verse of today's reading in She Reads Truth Prayer In The Bible (through you version) is:
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." psalm 51:12

Oh. That's right. My joy comes from my salvation, not my circumstances. And let's face it, my circumstances are not all that bad. I am very blessed. But I lost my focus, and I was busy feeling discouraged & overwhelmed. And my new prayer for Fridays? While everyone else is shouting TGIF, I will be praying, "God please grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." As I watch my freshly spring cleaned home become littered with weekend chaos & clutter. As I deal with difficult people, somewhat tedious events & difficult requests. As I try to catch up on just a few of the things that didn't get done this week. As I attempt to jog around the lake w/ a pulled tendon, 80 extra lbs that I cannot seem to lose, & my inhaler.  

God please grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Guard my heart, and guide my tongue. Help me to be uplifting & encouraging to everyone around me. And thank you Lord, for saving me. My joy is in the salvation you have granted me. I am so sorry for not keeping that foremost in my mind.